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RODRIGUEZ THE MEXICAN PERVERT Chorus: Ay, yai, yai yai Rodriguez the Mexican pervert My sister Melinda, she pissed out the winda and ruined my brand new sombreo Chorus (optional, or just do the Rodriguez one): Ay, yai, yai yai Single-line insults: Your mother swims out to meet troop ships Your mother does pushups on flagpoles They do it in China for chile They do it in Chile for china Your mother thinks bedpans are soup bowls Your sister gives hand jobs on subways Your father gets cum in his mustache You brother beats off in confession Your father smells little girl's bicycle seats Your sister does squat-thrusts on fireplugs Your mother and father were brothers Your sister's in love with a carrot Your mother swims out after troopships (and catches them!) The troopships requested your father Your sister licks batshit off cave walls Your mother does squat thrusts on fire hydrants Your brother beats off with a crowbar Your sister douches with Drano Your father re-fills creme doughnuts Your brother eats the creme doughnuts Your mother deflowered Speed Racer Your sister licks moose cum off pine cones Your brother likes sheep more than women Your mother likes gangbangs from scout troops Your father sucks farts from dead chickens Your sister goes down for a quarter Your mother makes tampons from gerbils Your sister can suck-start a Harley Your sister leaves slime trails like snails I'm the reasons my parents stopped having children (or any other distasteful verse you can think of) So let's have another verse That's worse than the other verse, And waltz me around by my willy. There once was a man from Belgrave Who kept a dead whore in a cave He said "I admit, "I'm a bit of a shit, But think of the money I save" There once was a man from Nantucket Whose dick was so long he could suck it He said with a grin As he wiped off his chin "If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it!" There once was a lady named Alice Who used dynamite for a phallus They found her vagina In North Carolina And her asshole in Buckingham Palace There once was a young man from Boston Who drove a shiny red Austin It had room for his ass Two gallons of gas But his balls hung outside, and he lost 'em There once was a woman from Nices Whose breasts were of two different sizes The left one was small Really no tit at all But the right one was huge and won prizes There was a young man from Perth The sickest motherfucker on Earth He ate out his mother And cornholed his brother Then dined on his wife's afterbirth There was a young lady from Wheeling Who had a most peculiar feeling She'd lie on her back And tickle her crack And would come all over the ceiling A brilliant young man from Racine Invented a fucking machine Concave or convex It would serve either sex But oh, what a bugger to clean There once was a rabbi from Keith Who circumcised men with his teeth 'Twas not for the treasure Nor the sexual pleasure But to get at the cheese underneath There was a young man from Belfast Whose balls were made out of brass In dark stormy weather He'd clang them together 'Til lightning shot out of his ass There was a young fellow from Kent Whose dick was so long that it bent To save himself trouble He put it in double And instead of cumming, he went There was a young man from Paree Who buggered an ape in a tree The result was quite horrid All ass and no forehead Three balls and a purple goatee There was a young man from Rangoon Who was born nine months too soon He didn't have the luck To be born from a fuck But was scraped from the sheets with a spoon There was a young man from Nantucket Who took a pig in the bushes to fuck it As he entered the rear The pig said, "No, come round here, Approach from the front and I'll suck it." There once was a couple from Adair That made love at the top of the stair On the sixty-eighth stroke The banister broke And they did 69 in mid-air In the Garden of Eden sat Adam Just stroking the butt of his madam He was quaking with mirth For in all of the Earth There were only two balls, and he had 'em There was a young lady named Anna Who stuffed her friend's cunt with a banana Which she sucked bit by bit From her partner's warm slit In the most traditional lesbian manner A horny old rabbi in Peru Was vainly attempting to screw Said his wife in dismay "If you keep up this way, The Messiah will come before you." There was a young priest in Morocco Whose motto was really quite macho He said, "To be blunt God decreed we eat cunt Why else would it look like a taco?" There once was a villain most feared Who tied a girl to the train tracks and leered But he tied her up wrong ways Not crossways but long ways And a forty car train disappeared There was a young lady of Croft Who played with herself in a loft Having reasoned that candles Could never cause scandals Besides which they never went soft There was a young girl from Decator Who was fucked by a big alligator Now nobody knew The result of that screw 'Cuz after he laid her he ate her. There was a young lady named Dot Who lived on pigshit and snot When she could not get these She'd eat the green cheese That she scraped from the sides of her twat There was a young man from Lynn Whose prick was the size of a pin Said his girl with a laugh As she fondled his staff "This won't be much of a sin." There was a young girl named McCall Whose cunt was exceedingly small But the size of her anus Was something quite heinous It could hold seven cocks and one ball A Scotsman who lived by the Loch Had holes down the length of his cock When he got an erection He'd play a selection From Johannes Sebastian Bach A lady astrologist in Vancouver Once captured a man by maneuver Influenced by Venus She jumped on his penis And nothing on Earth could remove her There once was a girl named Ann Heiser Who claimed that no man could surprise her But Pabst took a chance Shot Schlitz in her pants And now she is sadder Budweiser There was a young man from Australia Who went on a wild bacchanalia He buggered a frog Two mice and a dog And a bishop in fullest regalia There once was a learned baboon Who always played on the bassoon For he said, "It appears That in billions of years I shall finally hit on a tune." There was a young girl who begat Three brats, by name Nat, Pat and Tat It was fun in the breeding But hell in the feeding When she found she had no tit for Tat There was a young man from Bengal Who had a rectangular ball The square of its weight Plus his penis times eight Was two-fifths of five-eighths of fuck all There was a young man of Bombay Who fashioned a cunt out of clay But the heat of his prick Turned the clay into brick And it rubbed all his foreskin away There was a young fellow from Brewster Who said to his wife as he goosed her "This used to be grand But look at my hand You aren't wiping as clean as you used 'ter." An Argentine gaucho named Bruno Said, "Fucking is one thing I do know A woman is divine A boy even more fine But a llama is numero uno." An unfortunate fellow named Chase Had an asshole that was badly misplaced He expressed indignation When an investigation Found that few people shit through their face There once was a young whore from Kew Who filled her vagina will glue She said with a grin "If they pay to get in Then they'll pay to get out of it too." There once was a couple named Kelly Who were found stuck belly to belly It seems in their haste They used library paste Instead of petroleum jelly There was a young fellow from Leeds Who swallowed a packet of seeds Great tufts of grass Sprouted out of his ass And his balls were all covered with weeds There was a young plumber named Lee Who was plumbing a lass by the sea She said, "Stop your plumbing! There's somebody coming!" Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!" There was an old lady from Phlox Who set dynamite off in her box When asked the sensation She cried with elation "It's better than elephant cocks!" There once was a man from Rangoon, Whose farts could be heard to the moon. When you'd least expect 'em, They'd explode from his rectum, With the force of a raging typhoon. The jolly old Bishop of Birmingham, He buggered 3 maids while confirming 'em, As they knelt seeking God, He excited his rod, And pumped his episcopal sperm in'em. There once was a man named Skinner, Who took a young lady to dinner, At quarter past ten it was in her, Dinner, not Skinner, Skinner was in her before dinner. There once was a lady from Peru, Who filled her vagina with glue, She said with a grin, If they'll pay to get in, They'll pay to get out of it too. There was a young lady of Cheam, Who crept into the vestry unseen, She pulled down her knickers, Likewise the vicar's, And said, "How about it, old bean'?" There was a young German named Ringer Who was screwing an opera singer, Said he with a grin, "Well, I've sure got it in!" Said she, "It ain't your finger?" There was a young lady named Hitchin, Scratching her crotch in the kitchen, Her mother said, "Rose, It's the crabs I suppose?" She said, 'Yes and the buggers are itchin." There was a young man of St. James, Who indulged in the jolliest games, He lighted the rim, Of his grandmother's quim, And made her piss through the flames. There was a young woman named Wheeling Who professed of no sexual feeling, Until a cynic named Boris, Nibbled at her clitoris, Wheeling was scraped from the ceiling. A hermit who had an oasis, Thought it the best of all places, He could pray and be calm, 'Neath a pleasant date palm, While the lice on his penis ran races. There was a young lady of Exeter, So pretty, men craned their necks at her, One went so far, As to wave from his car, The distinguishing mark of his sex at her. There once was a man from Nantuckett, With a cock so long he could suck it, He said with a grin, As he wiped off his chin, "If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it." Female apes were afraid of King Kong, Since his wanger was exceedingly long, Until a friendly giraffe, Ate his yard and a half, And ecstatically burst into song. There was a young lady from Trent, Who said she knew what it meant, When he asked her to dine, Private room, lots of wine, She knew, she knew, but she went. There once was a man from Madras, Who balls were made from brass, In windy Weather They swung together, And lightening shot out his ass. In the Garden of Eden lay Adam, Complacently stroking his madam, For he knew in his mirth, That on all of the earth, There were only two balls and he had 'em. A fellow whose surname was Hunt, Trained his prick to do a stunt, This versatile spout, Could be turned inside out, Like a glove and be used as a cunt. There once was a man from Kajowels, Whose diet consisted of bowels, When he couldn't get this, He drank prostitute piss, And scrapings from sanitary towels. There was a woman from the Azores, Whose body was covered with sores, All the dogs in the street, Would lick the green meat, That hung down from her drawers. There was a young lady of Twickerham, Who regretted men had no prick in 'em, On her knees everyday, To her God she would pray, To lengthen, strengthen, and thicken 'em. There was a young parson named Binns, Who talked about women and things, But his secret desire, Was a boy in the choir, With a bottom like jelly on springs. There was a young man of high station, Who was found by a pious relation, Making love in a ditch, To I won't say a bitch, But a woman of no reputation. There was a young girl of Detroit, Who at fucking was very adroit, She could squeeze her vagina, To a pinpoint or finer, Or open it out like a quoit. There was a young maid from Mobile, Whose cunt was made of blue steel, She got her thrills, From pneumatic drills, And off-centered emery wheels. There was a young nun from Siberia, Endowed with a virgin interior, Until an old monk, Jumped into her bunk, And now she's the Mother Superior. There was a young Scot from Delray, Who buggered his father one day, Saying, "I like it rather, To stuff it up father, He's clean and nothing's to pay." There was a young plumber of Lea, Who was plumbing a girl by the sea, She said, "Stop your plumbing, There's somebody coming!" Said he, still plumbing, "It's me." There was an old man of Dundee, Who came home as drunk as could be, He wound up the clock, With the end of his cock, And buggered his wife with the key. An elderly pervert in Nice, Who was long past wanting a piece, Would jack-off his hogs, His cows and his dogs, Till his parrot called the police. There was a young man from Cape Horn, Who wished he had never been born, And he wouldn't have been, Had his father seen, That the end of his rubber was torn. The last time I dined with the King, He did quite an unkingly thing, While up on the throne, He pulled out his bone, And said, "If I play, will you sing?" A comely young widow of Ransom, Was ravished three times in a hansom, When she cried out for more, A voice from the floor, Said, "Lady, I'm Simpson, not Sampson." There once was a skater named Yeats, Who attempted the splits while on skates, But he fell on his cutlass, Which rendered him nutless, And now he is useless on dates. From the depths of a crypt at St. Giles, Came a scream that resounded for miles, Said the bishop, "Good gracious, Has Father Ignatious Forgotten the vicar has piles?" There was an old Duke of Rockingham, Who wrote a book on cunts and tucking 'em, But a dirty old Turk, Wrote a much better work, On tits and 12 ways of sucking 'em. There was a young girl from Yorkshire, Who succumbed to her lover's desire, She said, "Oh John, it's a sin, But now that it's in, Would you shove it a few inches higher?" There was a young man from Brighton, Who thought he had found a tight one, He said, "Oh my love, It fits like a glove." She said, "But it's not in the right one." There was a man of New Treaver, Who had intercourse with a beaver, The result of his screw, Was a birchbark canoe, Three ducks and an Irish retriever. The gay young Duke of Buckingham, Stood on the bridge at Rockingham, Watching the stunts, Of the cunts midst the grunts, And all of the pricks fucking 'em. There was a student of Trinity, Who popped his sister's virginity, Buggered his brother, Had twins by his mother, And took double honor in Divinity. There once was a young Dr. Zuck, In his ears her nipples got stuck, With his thumb up her bum, He could hear himself come, Thus inventing the telephone tick. The three old witches of Kent, Took a man into a tent, The three dirty bitches, They pulled down his britches, And jumped on his cock til it bent. There was a young man named Pete, Who was a bit indiscreet, He pulled on his wong, Until it grew very long, And dragged down a two lane street. There was a young man from Stroud, Who was screwing a girl in a crowd, A man up in front, Said, "Hmmm, I smell cunt." Just like that, not very loud. There was a young lawyer named Springer, Got his testicles caught in the wringer, He hollered with pain As they went down the drain, "From now on I'll just use my finger." Coitus upon a cadaver, Is the ultimate way you can have 'er, Her inanimate state, Means a man needn't wait, And eliminates all the palaver. There once was a girl from Nantuckett, Who went to France in a bucket, When she got there, They asked for her fare, She lifted up her dress and said fuck it. I once knew a man named Magruder, Who met a nude and he wooed her, The nude thought it crude, To be wooed in the nude, But Magruder was shrewder and screwed her There was a young girl from France, Who jumped on a bus in a trance, Six passengers fucked her, Besides the conductor, And the driver shot twice in his pants. A pansy by the name of Bloom, Took a lesbian up to his room, They talked the whole night, As to who had the right, To do what, with which, and to whom. There was a young man named Mirkin, Who kept on jerkin' his gherkin, Said his wife to Mirkin, "Your duty you're shirkin', That gherkin's for firkin', not jerkin'." A young man whose sight was myopic, Thought sex an incredible topic, So poor were his eyes, That despite its great size, His prick appeared microscopic. I once knew a girl named Delores, Who had a six-inch clitoris, While singing a chorus, Her voice was so hoarse, I checked her ID and it said Boris. I once knew a man from LaGrange, His mind was completely deranged, In playgrounds he hung, Looking at ten year old bun, This was his home on the range. There was a girl from Cape Cod, Who thought babies were from God, But 'twas not the Almighty, Who hiked up her nightie, Twas Roger, the lodger, by God. There once was a man named Hans, Who planted an acre of cunts, When in the fall, They came up pubic hairs and all, Hans ate cunts for months. There was a young lady named Duff, With a lively, luxuriant muff, In his haste to get in her, One eager beginner, Lost both his balls in the rough. There was a young man of Kildare, Fucking a girl on the stairs, The bannister broke, But he doubled his stroke, And finished her off in midair. I once knew a man named Peese, It was said he was quite a tease, But along came Jan, Who spread him some ham, And together they made some cheese. There was a young Turkish cadet, And this is the damnedest one yet, His tool was so long, And incredibly strong, He could bugger six Greeks en brochette. There was a dentist Malone, Who fondled a girl patient alone, But in his depravity, He filled the wrong cavity, And my how his practice has grown. There once was a man named O'Dool, Who had an enormous tool, He'd use it to plow, Or diddle a cow, Or as a cue stick at pool. There once was a man from Shirue, Who had warts all over his root, He put acid on these, And now when he pees, He fingers his dick like a flute.
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