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If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan?
"Cool hash page"
December 2002

Halve Mein Hash 188 - The Backwards Hash - Scotia, NY

WHare: Willy Wanker and the Chocolate F*ckerc
Where: Scotia
Who: reknaY reknaW, (ylno kcehc reeb), gnitiaW oN stiT owT, knaB mrepS, omlE eM redwoP, rekcuF giP, hctanS eciN, ytivaCcM, bonkdraH kniL, gabtriD, muc.nozamA
When: January 31, 2007 - National Backwards Day
Scribe: Nice Snatch


This Hash started at Wanker Yanker's basement, which was clad with t-shirts and stolen road signs. We had some good reeb, both Genny AND Brador, as well as some semiwarm Wassal and hot garlic breadsticks. We sang Father Birmingham (inside the basement, even though it wasn't that cold outside), but in an interesting twist, we sang all the verses backwards (starting with Ah-Men and ending with with a right finger). You had to be there. Then we skipped chalk talk and instead we thorougly botched the black hairy assy song, as well as many others. Skipping chalk talk was probably a bad, bad idea. We went down the driveway, but from this point on, for the entire trail, we truly didn't know whether we were cumming or going. Sometimes we followed the true trail backwards, and sometimes forward. It was fucked up. At least all the harriets, at some point on trail, showed their tits.

Initially, we got lost after, um, one mark. By sheer luck we came across a true trail and followed it in reverse. Of course, we figured the hare was being clever and was marking the arrows backwards. Not so. He was hiding in the bushes waiting for us to pass as we searched trail backwards and followed it through to the beginning. What? Yeah, that's what I said. Anyway, so we arrived at the beginning, which was also the end, and the middle, and had our first liquid check.

Two Tits No Waiting showed up at the "SW" check and shared some Wassal with us. Powder Me Elmo was pissy because the fish were competing with her fish smell. We called Francis, sang him the Manpon song, then hung up on him while he was talking. We also sang a very botched version of the Engineer Song - not backwards, but just completely out of order. Willy's prosthetic balls were hanging from the doorway (really, Dirtbag took pictures). While everyone except Pig Fucker gazed at the slender, drooping gonads, Powder Me Elmo flashed her cooch.

Willy set out to set the second leg. While I distracted him for a moment, Powder Me Elmo snuck up in the well trimmed bushes. I went back inside and Willy was off, with Powder Me trailing secretly behind. She was to snatch the hare, and supposedly did, but we missed it and didn't see her again until the beginning. We followed no marks for a few blocks, then, just for the hell of it, we all crossed the river over thin ice that crackled under our feet. One of Dirtbag's legs slipped down into the water. As he sank lower and lower, we all fled for safety. We didn't see him come out of the river and we didn't call 911. He ended up at the end anyway. Later, Snatch went down on the sidewalk, asses and elbows to the ground, after slipping on a sheet of ice hidden cleverly under a dusting of snow. McCavity was just behind him, but was spared an equal fate because he reached out quickly and used Snatch's body as a sheild from the hard frozen ass-breaker below. Two hashers down, six remaining.

Trail continued on through the Scotia neighborhoods where we came by a Dunkin Donuts with a police car idling out front (more on this later). We got lost several times, but luckily parts of the first leg looked strikingly exactly the same as the first leg, with one important exception: there were some marks. Some of them were pointing forward, some of them were backwards, but in essence, we followed a reminiscent trail back to the end where we all began. Uh, huh.


We ate chips and drank hot Wassal when we arrived at WY's place. Eventuallly we circled up and immediately the RA screwed up and did a down-down for losing control. Then we took comments on trail. You guessed it. dekcuS tI! Pig Fucker thought it was the best trail of the year, but he was lying, in reverse. Others complained of not enough nudity, no shiggy, and too gay. Everybody was right and the Hare drank for haring incompetence.

FRB - Link Hardknob.

Latecummer - Link also drank for being present for circle, which occurred at the beginning of the hash. Confused? Good. Since this was a backwards hash, this made Link a late cummer.

DAL - Wanker Yanker. She also drank for never leaving camp, and not being at the start.

Tits - Powder Me, Wanker Yanker and Amazon drank for showing their tits.

Beaver - Powder Me drank for flashing her partially shaven gash.

McCavity drank for fucking animals on trail. He claimed to be training for "the real thing," when he gets to New Zealand.

Analversaries - Link (20) and SB1 (60). SB1 plans to make NURD his 69th.

Virgin - we had no virgins, so we decided to revirginize the oldest Hasher. Link stepped into circle, taking some insult, until we explained that we were referring to the Hasher who had been Hashing the longest, Dirtbag stepped into circle, but ultimately it was Sperm Bank, who has been hashing since 7891 A.D.

SB1 provided answers, and our dementresses asked the questions:

Q. 1: (by Amazon) Would you like me to show you my tits? A. I'd rather have a beer.

Q. 2: What did she do when you fucked her with a lollypop? A. She quivered.

Q. 3 (by Powder Me) What did you say while my daddy fucked you in the ass? A. Oh, My God.

Q. 4: How many furry marines did you have sex with this week? A. Three.

Pig Fucker drank for getting naked during circle.

McCavity did a goodbye down-down (again).

SB1 drank for throwing a dead beaver at Snatch on trail.

Pig Fucker did a down-down for dumpster diving.

Dirtbag did a down-down for hash crash (falling into the river).

Powder Me Elmo and Willy drank for the hare-snaring event.

Hashit was awarded to Link Hardknob for jumping up on the hood of an idling police car, pulling down his pants and taking a big steaming dump while the cop stood, hands full of donuts and a coffee cup, watching in disbelief.

Other nominations included Dirtbag for hitting on 13 year olds on trail and for falling through the ice, Willy for taking us across the river, McCavity for sliding through Link's pile of shit Dukes of Hazard style, and Powder Me Elmo for being sexually aroused by the fecal play.

The hash then started with Swing Low.

Hash announcements were made: Super Hole Sunday, Penguin Plunge, NURD, and probably some other stuff.

Or was it the other way around?

Your RA and Scribe pro hoc vice,
Nice Snatch

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