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Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
"Cool hash page"
December 2002

Hash 'N' Splash

When: March 4, 2001

Hare: Dirtbag

Largest run to date! 15 wankers showed up pretty much on time at the Park'n'Ride in Clifton Park on a beautiful 30-degree day. I think that it had something to do with the promise of a hot tub at the Down-Down, what do you think?

Two New Boots came out for the run, No-Name Nick and No-Name Craig (Dirtbag made them both come) and they joined the group for the chalk talk and hash aerobics. After a rousing version of "Hi, my name is Joe" that brought a tear to my eye, the hounds were away!

We stumbled past a shopping plaza, whistles blowing, catching many innocent by-standers by surprise. Diners stopped cramming waffles into their mouths long enough to watch us, wide-eyed, through the glass windows by their tables.

The trail looped through a residential neighborhood, so we wasted no time in blowing our whistles every chance we could. That'll teach 'em for sleeping in on a Sunday. Dirtbag earned his moniker yet again by mis-marking trail in creative ways, so we had to scream "Are You?!" quite a bit. One bad-trail marker was found a good fifteen feet off the road on the side of a telephone pole. Nice. The second awfully laid bad-trail marker caught No-Name Craig, who just kept running. And running. And, well, running. He finally did catch up to us by the second or third beer at the Down-Down. Wait...I don't remember seeing him at the Down-Down. Maybe he's still out there.

We loped past a "Beer Not" scrawled on the road (some empty beer cans by the side of the road), and many turns on powder (we think Dirtbag canít draw checkpoint circles well, so he doesnít bother), we found Dirtbag and his van near a playground. The playground was pointedly labeled "No! June!" in chalk in order to keep her from being distracted. Since June nowhere in sight since she was walking, THFKAD and Captain Cumshot didnít resist playing on the swings. Granted, Captain Cumshot got more height on the swing, let's make the observation that the somewhat older hasher managed to land on his feet twice, whereas the young pup crashed and burned in a snow bank.

The Down-Down was everything promised and more. After a short caravan to our secret destination, we found Valhalla itself disguised as a chlorinated container of heated water. Oh, there was a pool, too! After much random disrobing (scribe note: Hey Dirtbag - I was naked in your daughterís bedroom!) and primping, everyone got good and wet. Good Time 375 spent most of the day in the hot tub with Princess Di. Captain Cumshot spent most of the day tailgating Rookie Nookie in waist high water. Letís see a bible between you two! An impromptu game of chicken was aborted when, in near tragedy, the male partners discovered how quickly the bottom of the pool sloped to the deep end. Important safety tip kids: try to breathe at all times. Psychoholic Slut and yours truly swam lap races (scribe note: she got me in the side stroke, but Iím much better at the breast stroke.) Check out the pictures on the photo page!


The FRB was No-Name Nick (aka Dirtbag's Boy-Toy), DAL was Psychoholic Slut (with an honorary mention to Pigvomit who was "too tiwerd to wun."]). The HASHIT was awarded to Psychoholic Slut for forgetting the crutch Ė AGAIN, and not just by leaving it behind in the van, either.

Namings! Two hashers were named. Both of them had cleverly tried to thwart being named by us by coming to the hashes with made up names of their own. This was not to be! The naming ceremony was, of course, held in the hot tub. Everyone piled in for the heated (pun intended) discussion. Because of a bizarre shaving incident, "Princess Diana" therefore became Wax On-Wax Off. "Pop-Top" became Dead Man Talking.

Flip-Top Fag did his Down-Down for being awarded the Hashit in-absentia at the last hash. The one that was "tooooo cold," remember?

Much appreciation goes out to Pigvomit, who pleased everyone by showing up with no voice.

Nice job, Hare! Hope we can use your house again, soon! Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups!


Your Hash Scribe, The Hasher Formerly Known As Don (THFKAD)

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