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Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
"Cool hash page"
December 2002

Halve Mein Hash 169 - The Bloody Afterbirth of a Lesbian Clusterfuck Hash - Albany, NY

When: September 13, 2006
Where: McCaffrey's, Albany, NY
Hares: Just Andrea (Virgin Lay), Nice Snatch (Still a virgin)
Scribe: McCavity
Pack: Hounds: Pigf*cker, Dirtbag, McCavity, Poptop, Laurel, Tubslut, Prickly Bush, Krusty, Ditch Bitch, Ewe Infected Me, Rainier Queer, Skid Mark, Bob Head, Link Hardknob, Cockeater, Just Jonathan, Just Rich (V), Just Bill (V), Just Gary (V)

This “Bloody Afterbirth of a Lesbian Clusterf*ck” of a run was thrown together at the last minute... so of course in the best hash tradition it was the best attended run in a long time. Nice Snatch had the pleasure of raising our virgin layer Just Andrea and she turned up for the auspicious event dressed in several layers of finery. Which would be shed one by one as the night wore on. We were also present to congratulate Albany's newest politician John McCaffrey fresh from his victory in the Democratic State Committee election. He'd better get rid of the hashers from his bar quick then as we have ruined many a fledgling political career.

As the hares departed the sight of our new hare daintily stooping to drop perfect flour marks had the hounds envisaging a swift snaring but in fact the pack were kept guessing all evening. Initially the trail followed the usual pattern in these parts zig-zagging the back streets. Luckily we began by heading down S Allen allowing the many hounds parked there to move off the “no parking after 7pm” side of the street and avoid the unwanted attentions of Mr Osbourne the car impounder.

The pack stayed together fairly well, other than Krusty who returned back on trail to find his ID. As the pack arrived at a song check on Park however just Gary discovered her cell phone missing. Just Rick tried the number and a "Crystal" answered to say she had it and lived on Park [Just down the block, as luck would have it!] The gallant Cockeater ran off to the appointed address (clearly hoping that Crystal would make him perform for the phones return) and returned with a smile on his face... and Ewe Infected Me behind him. Whatever.

A short run the other way on Park and the holy symbol BN was spotted, with the hares hiding in a nearby Porch. The porch belonged to Just Katie, Just Andrea's friend and she was soon dragged from her teacher prep and given a beer... at which point someone mentioned Alouette and as if by magic Dirtbag appeared to lead the serenade of Katie, Andrea and Gary.

After the singing died down the uptairs neighbors appeared with beer and the hash were forced to proof them in an effort to confiscate it, to no avail so trail was resumed. We now headed back in the general direction of the Snatch Patch where the FRBs raced ahead to find a... false trail. Assuming this meant backtrack the pack cast around for trail markings and finally found them heading up the next street. Leading to a true trail arrow pointing back where we had come. Ahh, the clusterfuck. Now we just need the lesbians.

Krusty had a good idea that trail was heading for Andrea's apartment and sure enough what remained of the pack (some had bailed for McCaffreys, our virgins had ended up a Graineys - of which more later) finally regained trail and followed him in. During the last section of the run Rainier Queer had gone off trail to empty his bladder and decided to drain his bald head instead by impaling it on a branch. Ahh, now we have the bloody and the clusterfuck. Bring on the lesbians but skip the afterbirth. Prickly Bush belied her training on the other end of the body by mending RQ and after quaffing some fine Octoberfest the hash wound their way back to McCaffreys and circle:

Hares: Just Andrea, Nice Snatch. Just Andrea was relieved of some clothing as she was deemed to have overdressed.

FRB – Pigf*cker, joined by overachievers doing “Reach the Beach” Krusty, Nice Snatch and McCavity

DAL – Skid Mark

Analversaries – McCavity 130, Krusty 30, Bob Head 10; joined by Snatch as when one RTBer drinks...

Backsliders: Ditch Bitch

Circle was continually interrupted by an aged drunk (no, it wasn't Dirtbag) who kept singing us songs and trying to get Just Andrea's phone number. He kept asking anything with a vagina to dance, and spent a lot of time with Ewe infect Me in the corner.

Spank Bank failed the sweat test.

Hashit Nominations: PigF*cker was nominated for locking keys in his truck at Run 168. Snatch was nominated for desecrating our beloved, and now quite bemourned, Hash-it with his ass hair. Rainier Queer won it for arguing with a tree, and losing.

A special presentation to the bar owner was made. We presented him with an official HMHHH mug (on sale for just $1) and a Snickers Bar.

Circle was closed and the pack were about to head for an on after at Graineys when 2/3 of our virgins reappeared. They had hung out at Graineys having found a circle with an arrow pointing in. They also trailed a third virgin they'd picked up there who turned out to be a) State Trooper and b) a pain in the ass drunk. If he ever appears he will henceforth and forever be known as Two Beer Queer (and One of Them is Snatch's). They were demented, we sang "Swing Low," and moved on-on to food.

Occasional Scribe McCavity


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