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If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
"Cool hash page"
December 2002

Hash 134 - SuperHash Sunday - Ballston Spa, NY

When: February 5, 2006
Where: Gay Underway's Countree Retreat, Ballston Spa, NY
Scribe: Dirtbag
Trash Editor: McCavity

Hares: Gay Under Way, All Holes Hoping

Hounds: Willy Wanker, Dirtbag, Poptop, Just Darryl, Just Jen, Just Re, Just Tar, Just Tid, McCavity, Pigfucker, Laurel 'n' Hardly Running (hound), Tubslut, Donkey Style, Spank Bank, Virgin Jackie, Just Jeff, Just McKenzie, Timber (hound), Lady (hound), Roxy (hound), and the appropriately named Steeler (hound)

Well after getting into my car and looking at my phone and seeing I had 5 missed calls and voice mails out the wazoo, I listened to my voice mails and found out the run was at 1:00. OK I’m heading, who said head, up to a run that is over with already. I guess that isn’t so bad, beer and something to eat, no run, beat the webmaster up again. Then I listen to my next voice mail and the run is back to 3:00 like it said on the webpage. Good because I think I could use the run (editor's note: I was in Boston when I found out I'd have to make Ballston Spa in 90 minutes to arrive for 1pm. Thanks for the rethink guys!).

I show up to meet the hares, AHH and Gay Under Way while Willy Wanker, Just Darryl, Just Jen and a virgin with a leg brace are the only hounds there. OK so this should get better, then AHH gets a call from his recently impregnated wife saying that her car has broken down. Well AHH has to go to her rescue, which leaves our virgin hare Gay Underway to fend for himself; fortunately pre-laid trail saved the day. Over the next ˝ hour the rest of the hounds start coming in. I also find out that there will be 5 kids running with us, woo hoo!!! It turns out the kids are pretty good at sniffing out trail. The hare was finally away after a quick chalk talk, only about 45 minutes late, or on time for a hash. And about coinciding with the arrival of the perennially chronologically challenged McCavity. Some of us retreated to the warmth of the house, some waited the allotted time outside in the cooling damp weather. Hash aerobics was led by myself with a quick round of “Hi My Name is Joe”, and the hounds were away. OK I forgot to mention that the previous month was one of the warmest, rainiest January’s on the books, so there was very little dry ground and the trail proved this out.

The hares marked trail with pink surveyor's tape in the trees. This was very effective (and not like AHHs last haring at all) and the pack stayed together, mostly because of the less than perfect footing. I’m pretty sure if Astro Homo was here he would have been proud, impressed and seriously challenged for his next endeavor at making the pack get wet. After two stops for witches brew (don't ask what was in that stuff!) the pack separated at an eagle turkey split. This only lasted long enough to send the eagles into a swamp far enough to get our feet seriously wet and almost drop McCavity into the muck. The trail went back onto the turkey trail which we short-cutted, ending up back at the start of the trail. We continued zenning around to the next beer check, avoiding another swamp crossing, which sort of allowed my feet to warm up. Sort of.

After the beer check we continued through the field and back into the woods and across yet another swamp, go figure. Then up a hill to our third song check, oh did I forget to mention the other two song checks in the middle of the previously mentioned swamp. After the song check we continued through the field to another beer check. OK so we aren’t getting much running in, but we are definitely staying hydrated. After this beer check, we head back into the wooded swampland and get thoroughly lost. We went straight and right at the checkpoint but not left. Of course trail was not checked in that direction until we had been out long enough for it to get a little darker, and the turkey’s had gotten cold and disgusted enough to bail on trail and take the short walk home. Or the long walk in the wrong direction as it turned out. The FRB's would have bailed if Tubslut had not finally spotted the true trail, thanks a lot Tubslut.

The FRB’s continued, finding it harder and harder to see trail markers. At the final song check all the FRB’s gathered and sang a short song and tried to continue on trail. We saw signs in the trees indicating another turkey/eagle split. Now almost completely dark we were cautiously advancing down what we thought was the turkey trail (eagle was marked in blue: that wasn't working in this light), when we heard the hare's call leading us down the right path. We got to the final beer check and the hare said it would be a short trail to the finish. As he tried to leave the hounds he was quickly hijacked and told he would be leading us back to the finish because of the lack of light. He was quite OK with this and we all squelched back to the house for the on-in.

We got there to find AHH, Lickalottapuss and Chum waiting for our arrival. We asked if the turkeys had come in and were informed they hadn’t arrived yet. Gay Underway headed out in his Suburban to try and find them and after returning from a fruitless first search myself and Chum headed out on the roads of Saratoga county to find our lost hounds while the Suburban recrossed the fields and the rest of the pack retraced their steps in the dark on foot. I found our hapless hounds on Hope City road, very cold and upset at being in their situation. A quick call to Donkey Style had Gay Underway heading to their rescue. I gave the grateful kids a ride back to the hacienda and to a warm bath/shower. I unfortunately had to leave before circle, so this rag will have to be continued on with another scribe to bring you circle, namings and other goings on about the big game day.

McCavity, who has converted the above into some semblance of English (and added the long words) will now relate a swift circle:

First to drink were our hares Gay Underway who actually led trail and AHH, the chivalrous layer of dead trail and rescuer of fair maidens in distress with broken down cars. They were praised for the shittyness of trail and informed what the pack would have preferred to be doing with the afternoon. Next up was our FRB, awarded to Tubslut for finding trail when we were about to give up and go home to beer and warm feet; he drank with DAL Gay Underway: unanimously elected for losing half the pack including his whole family. Of course his fellow hare joined him for the down-down.

Hash crashes were celebrated for McCavity, Just Darryl; Gay Underway and Just Jen drank for their kids falling in the water, and of course AHH joined them once again. Virgin Jackie was soon given the traditional welcome, Just Jen made her come and she would certainly not get off a bus full of lesbians. Lickalottapuss drank (water!) for speeding and breaking down on the same day and with the same cop in attendance. She and AHH were joined by the other married couple present, Gay Underway and Just Jen. To save energy this foursome stayed on their knees and drank for getting their wife pregnant. Pigfucker joined them after claiming to have a role in Lickalottapuss' condition, but renaming him ClaimingtobeLickalottapussfucker was deemed out of order.

With the game imminent the naming of Just Jen was fortunately shortened by pre-planning and the vote soon came down to: Assume the Position, Everybody's Mate, Cum Guzzling Mate, I'm With Stupid, Erectionally Challenged and Yes, I'm With Stupid. Acclamation led to an hotly contested runoff between the sharply contrasting I'm With Stupid and Yes, I'm With Stupid. She will henceforth and for ever more be known as: Yes, I'm With Stupid.

Hashit was as keenly contested as a Cuban election, Gay Underway receiving 100% of the votes for misbehavior in Massachusetts and losing his family today. Pigfucker was quickly awarded beer for stealing Boston's GM anointing sword, a swift “Swing Low” was sung and the pack retreated for Steelers vs Seahawks.

Scribe and GME
Editor and recorder of misbehavior


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