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Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
"Cool hash page"
December 2002

Hash 132 - Pickup Hash - Albany, NY

When: January 7, 2006
Where: Albany, NY
Scribe: McCavity
Hares: Whoever

Hounds: Dirtbag, The Pigf*cker Formerly Known as Don, McCavity, Poptop, Laurel and Hardly Running, Peace O'Chum, St Francis of Ass, Nice Snatch, All Holes Hoping, Dr Queer, Willy W*nker, Sperm Bank, Touch Down Jesus, Pontius Penis, Tubslut, Comes in April, Prickly Bush, Krusty the Meat Miser, Wannashag, Just Dave, Just Lori.

Weather: Your scribe, in an effort to save the effort of writing original material, has been attempting to plagiarize the work of other local scribes. In doing so I note they like to indicate the weather of the day. Why? In Halve Mein Land we always get great hashing weather. And it's always warm and dry in a bar.

A good crowd turned up for a run that was designed to take as little organization as possible. A date and time was set, a venue chosen and a pick-up hash declared. Left over 2005 beer and chalk was rustled up and the hash was ready. OK, so the venue was closed for another 4 hours, but that's what they have Ralphs for, a bar that is always open for hashers and never actually has any other customers. Not sure about that smell though...

After the requisite prelubing and welcoming back our world traveler Wannashag, long time backslider Just Dave and Jingle Bell survivor Just Lori we emerged into the pleasant sunlight and a swift explanation of how a pickup hash works. Then Pigf*cker decided among 4 randomly selected hashers (well they were not chosen for brains or good looks) who would be our first hare by drawing of pieces of chalk. CIA was given the honor and while he jogged off to begin trail the pack kept warm with a round of “My Name is Joe”

Your flu-infected scribe was acting as beer bitch for the day keeping hash gimp Dr Queer company so we set off for a stroll with Laurel following the pack as they skirted Washington Park. By the time we made the end of the park and spotted a true trail arrow cutting along Lake St we decided to walk back to the beer through the park. This confused Dirtbag and Lori who raced up to us and were sent back to find trail.

At some point Willy W*nker had become hare, for he appeared as we stood on the hill overlooking the lake, chased by the pack who'd just spotted him peering at them across the park. Meanwhile the autohashers headed back to the beer car while the hash ran behind Wiily, then the other two hares de jour Snatch and finally St Francis of Ass.

The beer car circled for a while around “studentland” west of the park, once seeing pack and several times seeing trail but no call came to deliver beer. Are these guys turning into athletes? Or remembering that the “beer” on offer was Coors Light did they decide to keep fleeing?

Finally word came from St Francis of Ass that he was esconsed in favorite hash bar the Waterworks, though he failed to reveal how long he'd been hanging out there with his homeys. There is no truth to the rumor that he intoduced himself as the Ass Man to the patrons. After a short wait the pack appeared led by Krusty (who let young fit people into the hash?) and we soon had the bar rocking. This was supposed to be a beer check, but a combination of cheap beer and a hash friendly atmosphere soon persuaded even our tiny half-minds that it was time to give up the running nonsense and keep drinking.

Circle (carried out with no camera for once):

1. Comes in April
3. Nice Snatch
2. Willy W*nker
4. St Francis of Ass

False Accusation: Sperm Bank

FRB: Krusty
DAL: Dirtbag (just because)

Backsliders: Wannashag, Just Dave, St Francis of Ass, Spermbank, Pontius Penis + Hares + those who could not sell Chinese assholes: Prickly Bush and Poptop.

Analversaries: Laurel and Hardly Running (drunk for by Poptop) 70, Peace O'Chum 60 (even though she's done 59 runs, we'll get her next time), Pontius Penis 30.

New Shoes: Just Dave and Spermbank drinking out of one another's shoes. They were not kneeling so they drank again.

Wearing a diaper at any time on Hogmany: Tubslut, Pigf*cker, Nice Snatch, Willy W*nker, Peace O'Chum, McCavity.

Lost Shit: Tubslut (several pairs of underwear, probably mens; Americas Interhash tag), Pigf*cker (Jesters hat belonging to Ditch Bitch), Willy W*nker (Sweater belonging to Just Sharon).

4 Runs in 3 days: Tubslut, Pigf*cker, Nice Snatch.

1. Private party – Spermbank and All Holes Hoping
2. Riverdancing – Tubslut and McCavity
3. Being teabagged by large men – Dr Queer
4. Forgetting McCavity's 100 run plaque for the 2nd time – Pigf*cker
5. Bringing diapers to a quiet and classy party – Tubslut

Dr Queer won with ease. We hope the touch of wrinkled male appendage was worth it.

As circle started to deteriorate a few more crimes were recognized:
. Comes in April for forgetting he'd said he'd set trail
· Comes in April for playing with other mens tools all year
· Moving overseas in 2006 – All Holes Hoping, Wannashag, McCavity
· Singing a shitty song – Sperm Bank and Pontius Penis

Willy W*anker called for a whistle check for the first time in many runs, which threw half the pack. Drinking were All Holes Hoping, Dr Queer, Sperm Bank, Just Lori, Just Dave, Krusty, Wannashag, Comes in April, St Francis of Ass.

For once the circle finished in great time and the hash headed en masse for Krusty's. Not before Dr Queer demonstrated his technique with a plunger by attaching it to a plaster plinth, then magically reducing the plinth to about 1000 pieces.


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