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half-mind.com
"Cool hash page"
December 2002

RODRIGUEZ THE MEXICAN PERVERT


Chorus:
Ay, yai, yai yai
Rodriguez the Mexican pervert
My sister Melinda, she pissed out the winda and ruined my brand new sombreo

Chorus (optional, or just do the Rodriguez one):
Ay, yai, yai yai
Single-line insults:
Your mother swims out to meet troop ships
Your mother does pushups on flagpoles
They do it in China for chile
They do it in Chile for china
Your mother thinks bedpans are soup bowls
Your sister gives hand jobs on subways
Your father gets cum in his mustache
You brother beats off in confession
Your father smells little girl's bicycle seats
Your sister does squat-thrusts on fireplugs
Your mother and father were brothers
Your sister's in love with a carrot
Your mother swims out after troopships (and catches them!)
The troopships requested your father
Your sister licks batshit off cave walls
Your mother does squat thrusts on fire hydrants
Your brother beats off with a crowbar
Your sister douches with Drano
Your father re-fills creme doughnuts
Your brother eats the creme doughnuts
Your mother deflowered Speed Racer
Your sister licks moose cum off pine cones
Your brother likes sheep more than women
Your mother likes gangbangs from scout troops
Your father sucks farts from dead chickens
Your sister goes down for a quarter
Your mother makes tampons from gerbils
Your sister can suck-start a Harley
Your sister leaves slime trails like snails
I'm the reasons my parents stopped having children
(or any other distasteful verse you can think of)
So let's have another verse
That's worse than the other verse,
And waltz me around by my willy.

There once was a man from Belgrave
Who kept a dead whore in a cave
He said "I admit,
"I'm a bit of a shit,
But think of the money I save"

There once was a man from Nantucket
Whose dick was so long he could suck it
He said with a grin
As he wiped off his chin
"If my ear were a cunt, I could fuck it!"

There once was a lady named Alice
Who used dynamite for a phallus
They found her vagina
In North Carolina
And her asshole in Buckingham Palace

There once was a young man from Boston
Who drove a shiny red Austin
It had room for his ass
Two gallons of gas
But his balls hung outside, and he lost 'em

There once was a woman from Nices
Whose breasts were of two different sizes
The left one was small
Really no tit at all
But the right one was huge and won prizes

There was a young man from Perth
The sickest motherfucker on Earth
He ate out his mother
And cornholed his brother
Then dined on his wife's afterbirth

There was a young lady from Wheeling
Who had a most peculiar feeling
She'd lie on her back
And tickle her crack
And would come all over the ceiling

A brilliant young man from Racine
Invented a fucking machine
Concave or convex
It would serve either sex
But oh, what a bugger to clean

There once was a rabbi from Keith
Who circumcised men with his teeth
'Twas not for the treasure
Nor the sexual pleasure
But to get at the cheese underneath

There was a young man from Belfast
Whose balls were made out of brass
In dark stormy weather
He'd clang them together
'Til lightning shot out of his ass

There was a young fellow from Kent
Whose dick was so long that it bent
To save himself trouble
He put it in double
And instead of cumming, he went

There was a young man from Paree
Who buggered an ape in a tree
The result was quite horrid
All ass and no forehead
Three balls and a purple goatee

There was a young man from Rangoon
Who was born nine months too soon
He didn't have the luck
To be born from a fuck
But was scraped from the sheets with a spoon

There was a young man from Nantucket
Who took a pig in the bushes to fuck it
As he entered the rear
The pig said, "No, come round here,
Approach from the front and I'll suck it."

There once was a couple from Adair
That made love at the top of the stair
On the sixty-eighth stroke
The banister broke
And they did 69 in mid-air

In the Garden of Eden sat Adam
Just stroking the butt of his madam
He was quaking with mirth
For in all of the Earth
There were only two balls, and he had 'em

There was a young lady named Anna
Who stuffed her friend's cunt with a banana
Which she sucked bit by bit
From her partner's warm slit
In the most traditional lesbian manner

A horny old rabbi in Peru
Was vainly attempting to screw
Said his wife in dismay
"If you keep up this way,
The Messiah will come before you."

There was a young priest in Morocco
Whose motto was really quite macho
He said, "To be blunt
God decreed we eat cunt
Why else would it look like a taco?"

There once was a villain most feared
Who tied a girl to the train tracks and leered
But he tied her up wrong ways
Not crossways but long ways
And a forty car train disappeared

There was a young lady of Croft
Who played with herself in a loft
Having reasoned that candles
Could never cause scandals
Besides which they never went soft

There was a young girl from Decator
Who was fucked by a big alligator
Now nobody knew
The result of that screw
'Cuz after he laid her he ate her.

There was a young lady named Dot
Who lived on pigshit and snot
When she could not get these
She'd eat the green cheese
That she scraped from the sides of her twat

There was a young man from Lynn
Whose prick was the size of a pin
Said his girl with a laugh
As she fondled his staff
"This won't be much of a sin."

There was a young girl named McCall
Whose cunt was exceedingly small
But the size of her anus
Was something quite heinous
It could hold seven cocks and one ball

A Scotsman who lived by the Loch
Had holes down the length of his cock
When he got an erection
He'd play a selection
From Johannes Sebastian Bach

A lady astrologist in Vancouver
Once captured a man by maneuver
Influenced by Venus
She jumped on his penis
And nothing on Earth could remove her

There once was a girl named Ann Heiser
Who claimed that no man could surprise her
But Pabst took a chance
Shot Schlitz in her pants
And now she is sadder Budweiser

There was a young man from Australia
Who went on a wild bacchanalia
He buggered a frog
Two mice and a dog
And a bishop in fullest regalia

There once was a learned baboon
Who always played on the bassoon
For he said, "It appears
That in billions of years
I shall finally hit on a tune."

There was a young girl who begat
Three brats, by name Nat, Pat and Tat
It was fun in the breeding
But hell in the feeding
When she found she had no tit for Tat

There was a young man from Bengal
Who had a rectangular ball
The square of its weight
Plus his penis times eight
Was two-fifths of five-eighths of fuck all

There was a young man of Bombay
Who fashioned a cunt out of clay
But the heat of his prick
Turned the clay into brick
And it rubbed all his foreskin away

There was a young fellow from Brewster
Who said to his wife as he goosed her
"This used to be grand
But look at my hand
You aren't wiping as clean as you used 'ter."

An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Said, "Fucking is one thing I do know
A woman is divine
A boy even more fine
But a llama is numero uno."

An unfortunate fellow named Chase
Had an asshole that was badly misplaced
He expressed indignation
When an investigation
Found that few people shit through their face

There once was a young whore from Kew
Who filled her vagina will glue
She said with a grin
"If they pay to get in
Then they'll pay to get out of it too."

There once was a couple named Kelly
Who were found stuck belly to belly
It seems in their haste
They used library paste
Instead of petroleum jelly

There was a young fellow from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
Great tufts of grass
Sprouted out of his ass
And his balls were all covered with weeds

There was a young plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing a lass by the sea
She said, "Stop your plumbing!
There's somebody coming!"
Said the plumber, still plumbing, "It's me!"

There was an old lady from Phlox
Who set dynamite off in her box
When asked the sensation
She cried with elation
"It's better than elephant cocks!"

There once was a man from Rangoon,
Whose farts could be heard to the moon.
When you'd least expect 'em,
They'd explode from his rectum,
With the force of a raging typhoon.

The jolly old Bishop of Birmingham,
He buggered 3 maids while confirming 'em,
As they knelt seeking God,
He excited his rod,
And pumped his episcopal sperm in'em.

There once was a man named Skinner,
Who took a young lady to dinner,
At quarter past ten it was in her,
Dinner, not Skinner,
Skinner was in her before dinner.

There once was a lady from Peru,
Who filled her vagina with glue,
She said with a grin,
If they'll pay to get in,
They'll pay to get out of it too.

There was a young lady of Cheam,
Who crept into the vestry unseen,
She pulled down her knickers,
Likewise the vicar's,
And said, "How about it, old bean'?"

There was a young German named Ringer
Who was screwing an opera singer,
Said he with a grin,
"Well, I've sure got it in!"
Said she, "It ain't your finger?"

There was a young lady named Hitchin,
Scratching her crotch in the kitchen,
Her mother said, "Rose,
It's the crabs I suppose?"
She said, 'Yes and the buggers are itchin."

There was a young man of St. James,
Who indulged in the jolliest games,
He lighted the rim,
Of his grandmother's quim,
And made her piss through the flames.

There was a young woman named Wheeling
Who professed of no sexual feeling,
Until a cynic named Boris,
Nibbled at her clitoris,
Wheeling was scraped from the ceiling.

A hermit who had an oasis,
Thought it the best of all places,
He could pray and be calm,
'Neath a pleasant date palm,
While the lice on his penis ran races.

There was a young lady of Exeter,
So pretty, men craned their necks at her,
One went so far,
As to wave from his car,
The distinguishing mark of his sex at her.

There once was a man from Nantuckett,
With a cock so long he could suck it,
He said with a grin,
As he wiped off his chin,
"If my ear was a cunt I could fuck it."

Female apes were afraid of King Kong,
Since his wanger was exceedingly long,
Until a friendly giraffe,
Ate his yard and a half,
And ecstatically burst into song.

There was a young lady from Trent,
Who said she knew what it meant,
When he asked her to dine,
Private room, lots of wine,
She knew, she knew, but she went.

There once was a man from Madras,
Who balls were made from brass,
In windy Weather
They swung together,
And lightening shot out his ass.

In the Garden of Eden lay Adam,
Complacently stroking his madam,
For he knew in his mirth,
That on all of the earth,
There were only two balls and he had 'em.

A fellow whose surname was Hunt,
Trained his prick to do a stunt,
This versatile spout,
Could be turned inside out,
Like a glove and be used as a cunt.

There once was a man from Kajowels,
Whose diet consisted of bowels,
When he couldn't get this,
He drank prostitute piss,
And scrapings from sanitary towels.

There was a woman from the Azores,
Whose body was covered with sores,
All the dogs in the street,
Would lick the green meat,
That hung down from her drawers.

There was a young lady of Twickerham,
Who regretted men had no prick in 'em,
On her knees everyday,
To her God she would pray,
To lengthen, strengthen, and thicken 'em.

There was a young parson named Binns,
Who talked about women and things,
But his secret desire,
Was a boy in the choir,
With a bottom like jelly on springs.

There was a young man of high station,
Who was found by a pious relation,
Making love in a ditch,
To I won't say a bitch,
But a woman of no reputation.

There was a young girl of Detroit,
Who at fucking was very adroit,
She could squeeze her vagina,
To a pinpoint or finer,
Or open it out like a quoit.

There was a young maid from Mobile,
Whose cunt was made of blue steel,
She got her thrills,
From pneumatic drills,
And off-centered emery wheels.

There was a young nun from Siberia,
Endowed with a virgin interior,
Until an old monk,
Jumped into her bunk,
And now she's the Mother Superior.

There was a young Scot from Delray,
Who buggered his father one day,
Saying, "I like it rather,
To stuff it up father,
He's clean and nothing's to pay."

There was a young plumber of Lea,
Who was plumbing a girl by the sea,
She said, "Stop your plumbing,
There's somebody coming!"
Said he, still plumbing, "It's me."

There was an old man of Dundee,
Who came home as drunk as could be,
He wound up the clock,
With the end of his cock,
And buggered his wife with the key.

An elderly pervert in Nice,
Who was long past wanting a piece,
Would jack-off his hogs,
His cows and his dogs,
Till his parrot called the police.

There was a young man from Cape Horn,
Who wished he had never been born,
And he wouldn't have been,
Had his father seen,
That the end of his rubber was torn.

The last time I dined with the King,
He did quite an unkingly thing,
While up on the throne,
He pulled out his bone,
And said, "If I play, will you sing?"

A comely young widow of Ransom,
Was ravished three times in a hansom,
When she cried out for more,
A voice from the floor,
Said, "Lady, I'm Simpson, not Sampson."

There once was a skater named Yeats,
Who attempted the splits while on skates,
But he fell on his cutlass,
Which rendered him nutless,
And now he is useless on dates.

From the depths of a crypt at St. Giles,
Came a scream that resounded for miles,
Said the bishop, "Good gracious,
Has Father Ignatious
Forgotten the vicar has piles?"

There was an old Duke of Rockingham,
Who wrote a book on cunts and tucking 'em,
But a dirty old Turk,
Wrote a much better work,
On tits and 12 ways of sucking 'em.

There was a young girl from Yorkshire,
Who succumbed to her lover's desire,
She said, "Oh John, it's a sin,
But now that it's in,
Would you shove it a few inches higher?"

There was a young man from Brighton,
Who thought he had found a tight one,
He said, "Oh my love,
It fits like a glove."
She said, "But it's not in the right one."

There was a man of New Treaver,
Who had intercourse with a beaver,
The result of his screw,
Was a birchbark canoe,
Three ducks and an Irish retriever.

The gay young Duke of Buckingham,
Stood on the bridge at Rockingham,
Watching the stunts,
Of the cunts midst the grunts,
And all of the pricks fucking 'em.

There was a student of Trinity,
Who popped his sister's virginity,
Buggered his brother,
Had twins by his mother,
And took double honor in Divinity.

There once was a young Dr. Zuck,
In his ears her nipples got stuck,
With his thumb up her bum,
He could hear himself come,
Thus inventing the telephone tick.

The three old witches of Kent,
Took a man into a tent,
The three dirty bitches,
They pulled down his britches,
And jumped on his cock til it bent.

There was a young man named Pete,
Who was a bit indiscreet,
He pulled on his wong,
Until it grew very long,
And dragged down a two lane street.

There was a young man from Stroud,
Who was screwing a girl in a crowd,
A man up in front,
Said, "Hmmm, I smell cunt."
Just like that, not very loud.

There was a young lawyer named Springer,
Got his testicles caught in the wringer,
He hollered with pain
As they went down the drain,
"From now on I'll just use my finger."

Coitus upon a cadaver,
Is the ultimate way you can have 'er,
Her inanimate state,
Means a man needn't wait,
And eliminates all the palaver.

There once was a girl from Nantuckett,
Who went to France in a bucket,
When she got there,
They asked for her fare,
She lifted up her dress and said fuck it.

I once knew a man named Magruder,
Who met a nude and he wooed her,
The nude thought it crude,
To be wooed in the nude,
But Magruder was shrewder and screwed her

There was a young girl from France,
Who jumped on a bus in a trance,
Six passengers fucked her,
Besides the conductor,
And the driver shot twice in his pants.

A pansy by the name of Bloom,
Took a lesbian up to his room,
They talked the whole night,
As to who had the right,
To do what, with which, and to whom.

There was a young man named Mirkin,
Who kept on jerkin' his gherkin,
Said his wife to Mirkin,
"Your duty you're shirkin',
That gherkin's for firkin', not jerkin'."

A young man whose sight was myopic,
Thought sex an incredible topic,
So poor were his eyes,
That despite its great size,
His prick appeared microscopic.

I once knew a girl named Delores,
Who had a six-inch clitoris,
While singing a chorus,
Her voice was so hoarse,
I checked her ID and it said Boris.

I once knew a man from LaGrange,
His mind was completely deranged,
In playgrounds he hung,
Looking at ten year old bun,
This was his home on the range.

There was a girl from Cape Cod,
Who thought babies were from God,
But 'twas not the Almighty,
Who hiked up her nightie,
Twas Roger, the lodger, by God.

There once was a man named Hans,
Who planted an acre of cunts,
When in the fall,
They came up pubic hairs and all,
Hans ate cunts for months.

There was a young lady named Duff,
With a lively, luxuriant muff,
In his haste to get in her,
One eager beginner,
Lost both his balls in the rough.

There was a young man of Kildare,
Fucking a girl on the stairs,
The bannister broke,
But he doubled his stroke,
And finished her off in midair.

I once knew a man named Peese,
It was said he was quite a tease,
But along came Jan,
Who spread him some ham,
And together they made some cheese.

There was a young Turkish cadet,
And this is the damnedest one yet,
His tool was so long,
And incredibly strong,
He could bugger six Greeks en brochette.

There was a dentist Malone,
Who fondled a girl patient alone,
But in his depravity,
He filled the wrong cavity,
And my how his practice has grown.

There once was a man named O'Dool,
Who had an enormous tool,
He'd use it to plow,
Or diddle a cow,
Or as a cue stick at pool.

There once was a man from Shirue,
Who had warts all over his root,
He put acid on these,
And now when he pees,
He fingers his dick like a flute.

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