Hash 64 - Naked Snow Angel Hash - Clifton Park, NY
Where: Clifton Park
Hares: Dirtbag and Peace O'Chum
Scribe: Sperm Bank
Fifteen hashers showed up for the run for the sixty-fourth running of the hounds. Only five more hashes until the blessed 69 (yea, verily, the 69), so start digging through your closets for that special red dress. Yes, as sick as it may sound, some male hashers have more than ONE red dress. Fortunately, no one in our hash can get close to the cross-dressing excess that we witnessed in Washington. However, we should remember that what separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize! But, your faithful scribe digresses. Anyway, thirteen hounds showed up for the Clifton Park hash laid by hares Dirtbag and Peace O'Chum. Rendezvousing in the ToysR'Us parking lot, it was almost balmy with an air temperature in the 20s until we felt the biting wind that bit parts that will go unmentioned.
After hares away and the chalk talk, THFKAD led Francis, Astro Homo, Sperm Bank, Stickley Bunz, Stinky Queef, McCavity, Bodsa, Dr. Queer, Just Dan, Just Lisa, Just Laura and hash dog, Laurel and Hardly Running, in the perverted Father Birmingham routine that he brought back from Burlington.
After tossing back the last swigs of Coors Light, the pack was off at a walk, following a trail marked with chalk mixed with red paint. Frankly, we couldn't tell if we were following the trail of some wounded deer or some hungover hasher who was vomiting blood. Nonetheless, we followed the trail, rich in checks, through the unremitting suburbia of Clifton Park. We were sure we were covering some of the same streets as last summer's BASH, but who could tell as the houses all look the same. We did notice that there was a lot of pavement to cover and several hounds were accused of whining about running too much. Fortunately, we found some pseudo-shiggy as we ran through some park woods, one of the few unpaved acres in Clifton Park. Just short of the playground the pack found the water break where Coors Light was available. THFKAD, Stickley, and Bank did an improvised song check and serenaded the pack with their "Girl from Ithaca" sung to the tune of "Ring of Fire" with apologies to the Man in Black. At the check, several hasher's conspired and ran away with the Hashit, leaving Dr.Queer feverishly digging through the snow and muttering, "my precious, my precious, where's my precious?". Back on trail, it was a few more trails, a few more checks, two freaking long false trails that caught Stinky Queef and THFKAD, and the pack broke out into a mall parking lot (like that's hard to do in Clifton Park) for the end. As the pack trickled across the finish line, Bodsa was thrilled to find that she was, for the first time in what little survives of this scribe's memory, NOT last as Francis crossed the finish line.
Ceremonies were in Dirtbag's palatial residence, the Pile O'Dirt. The pack gratefully filed into the always awesome indoor pool and hottub room, quickly disrobed, and hit the pool. The hottub was at 116 but this didn't stop the hash from quickly originating their own triathlon: tub, beer,pool.
Ceremonies were put on hold while the pack waited for THFKAD to show up with more beer. Looking for more entertaining diversions, several hashers did semi-naked snow angels off the back deck (note: do not snow angel in yellow snow). Once THFKAD appeared, the pack joined up in the shallow end of the pool for ceremonies. Dirtbag and Peace did a down-down for a haring a suburban run. FRB went to McCavity. Dr. Queer was made to do the down-down he earned in absentia for bailing on the last hash he hared (joined by McCavity because when one hare drinks, all hares drink). Virgins were Just Laura (Peace made her come) (joined by Dirtbag because when one hare drinks, all hares drink) and Just Lisa (Francis made her come) with Dirtbag baptizing them with enough flour to make a loaf of bread. Dr. Queer did a down-down for losing the hash-it and immediately earned it back again (joined by McCavity because when one hare drinks, all hares drink). Francis down-downed for DAL much ! to Bodsa's delight. Since all the bitches were on their knees and it was fortunate that no-one was below 5 ft or they would have been down downing pool water. Dirtbag stood Just Laura and Just Lisa in front of the pack and led the pack in serenading them with Alouette. Concluding the ceremonies, THFKAD led the pack in the "Days of the Week" song, hip-deep in water, looking like a perverted water aerobics instructor. May the hash go in peace, may the hash get a piece.
If you have anything to add, send a note to email@example.com.