Hash 60 - Bethlehem, NY
Hares: Dirtbag and Sperm Bank
Scribe: Sperm Bank
Sixteen hashers showed up for the run for the 60th running of the hounds in Bethlehem Park. It was the annual Peasant and Pauper run which meant the hashers were supposed to show up dressed even rattier than they normally are. Except for some holey cammies and Poptop's hobo sack, it was tough to tell the difference. It was the first cold run of the year with a crispy 23 on the thermometer and sun but a cold wind from the north. The hash welcomed back Steamy Crevice after a long absence and three virgins, Just George, Just Tom, and Just Chris, invited by Sperm Bank. Just Andrew showed up with the Hash-It, proudly display the hypo of Viagra he had added. Dirtbag gave the chalk talk and it was hares away. THFKAD led PopTop, Just Andrew, Just George, Just Tom, Just Chris, McCavity, Stickley Bunz, Just Steve, Just Carie (desparately hungover from Friday night), and hash dog, Laurel and Hardly Running in a rousing chorus of Father Abraham.
After tossing back the last swigs of Iron City sixteen ouncers, brought back all the way from Pittsburgh by Sperm Bank, the pack was off past the skating pond. They followed the chalk into the woods and spent enormous amounts of time attempting to find the clearly marked trail (scribe's note: the scribe was also the hare). After sniffing around and running up some steep hills, they found the trail (editor's note: We were joined by Bodsa at this point, who was running an hour late. This gives you a hint as to how "well marked" trail actually was.) The pack continued along an exercise trail, molesting the equipment as they went, until they were led deep into the unmarked woods. Up over hill and dale and check they went until, cresting a rise, they saw the hares sitting across on a stream bank laughing at them. Laughing because they wanted to see which hounds would get wet crossing the stream, fall off a log crossing the stream, or be reasonable like Just George and look ! twenty yards downstream for the stepping stones. Once everyone one was reunited on the far bank, it was a beer (or maybe beer since it was Iron City) check with the hares. The hares ran off with the pack in hot pursuit, slowed up by running around a ball diamond and then cleverly led into a bramble filled ravine and up the opposite bank to run to the finish with Just Carie looking very pale and finishing in about 50 minutes.
The On-On was at SB Squared (Sperm Bank and Stickley Bunz' house) down the road in Feura Bush. The pack adjourned to the pool room in the attic for ceremonies. Dirtbag and Sperm Bank did a down-down for a haring a run that had too much shiggy and was too short. Virgins Just George, Just Chris, and Just Tom (Sperm Bank claimed he made them all come, but Stickley Bunz said she helped, too). McCavity down-downed for FRB, complaining that the cold Coor's Light was giving him an ice cream headache. DAL was won by Just Carie, who could barely unwrap herself from her blanket to down-down her beer. Hash-it was won by Just Craig for showing up at the end of the run, Dirtbag for using technology on trail (his new GPS toy), McCavity and Poptop for bad checking, and Just Andrew for sleeping with the Hash-it. Dirtbag should have gotten for remarking at least once to every woman in the room, "you're like Coors Light, you go down easy!" Seldom Seen was won by Steamy Crevice and Pop! top (who will travel 500 miles to other hashes but can't make it to ours). Dirtbag stood Just Chris in front of the pack and led them in serenading her with Alouette. Concluding the ceremonies, Sperm Bank led the pack downstairs to dig into two steaming kettles of Wisconsin Booyah stew and Iron City beer bread. The On-on concluded in wee hours of the afternoon in the SB2 hottub. A good time was had by all with several incidences of gratuitous toe-sucking. SB2 did report that after a dozen sweaty, beer swilling hashers they did have to drain the hot tub the next day.
If you have anything to add, send a note to firstname.lastname@example.org.